So where do our angry feelings come from
We can feel angry based on our life experiences. Being neglected, abandoned, not heard or listened to, constantly discounted or put down. The feeling of being disliked or unloved, or feeling not worthy of love or that you are unlovable..
We can inherit angry feelings from our parents through our DNA, Bloodline or cellular memories..
You may feel as if no one liked you or that you were unpopular. At school you may not have been academic and you always came near or at the bottom of the class. The feeling that you were being left behind, you did not fit in or was I born stupid or brainless. Did you feel left out by the gang. Were you constantly rejected, bullied or teased.
Was sport hard for you and left you feeling jealous of the people who were really good at sport when they received lots of attention from the other children at school. Did you feel inadequate, not good enough, bitter, angry or useless that your body did not do what you wanted it to do.
Was your home a care home.. Were your parents absent. Were the people who cared or were supposed to care for you not your parents.. did you feel lonely, abandoned or totally rejected and unloved. Were you treated badly, abused and used.. did you feel a lack of control over your own life.
Were you humiliated in some way.. did you feel disempowered, guilty, full of shame. Did you feel disliked or even hatred towards you..
Were you living in what felt like an unsafe environment? Did the people you love let you down by not looking after you, or caring for you. Were you neglected.. did the love you feel for others turn into hatred..
You may feel or have felt that you were treated badly by a lover or partner. Your love for them suddenly turns into hatred and all you want to do is get your own back..
If you can say yes to any of the above, or to some that are not listed then there is good reason to be angry.
If we are constantly angry then the chances are we have an investment in feeling angry.. The investment in a feeling means it gets us something, there is a payoff.. The chances are this is not obvious, even after thinking about it.
Sometimes the anger will give us the feeling of safety. It can keep people at bay or at a distance. Anger can protect us, “Don’t go near him, he is so violent or aggressive.” Such ways of being seen in your angry state can get you something. The anger can be like having a protector in your corner; someone who will look after you and prevent people from bullying you.
Because we are angry does not mean we do have an investment in feeling angry.. But it worth considering if it is an on-going story for you. Anger tells us something is not right and we need to do something about it..
Anger is not a bad emotion.. that is until the angry the monster comes out to play then it is time to do something about it.. If our anger is impacting on another then we need to take responsibility for how we feel by owning the anger and then finding ways of dealing with it.